Justice for Awhina

If I had a brother, I would not let that shit slide.

If you’re a new subscriber but don’t watch Married At First Sight, you can stop receiving emails about this show by toggling off the MAFS section of my subscription in your Substack settings.

How is it family and friends week already? I had someone tell me they miss my longer recaps, which hurts my soul because they’re fucking long to write. I’ll meet you half way?

Lauren is starting to get icked out by Clint, a man who dares to do his own washing.

What is this, 2025?

Ryan tells Jacqui’s inner circle about the time he told everyone she had crazy eyes but gave good gobbies.

THIS IS WHAT DREAMS ARE MADE OF

Rhi and Carina have arrived at Beth’s to talk about a relationship that is better than theirs… and to deliver on the KFC sponsorship they are contractually obliged to participate in.

This doesn’t feel staged at all!

Veronica is my kind of funny because she has rocked up at Lauren’s with margaritas – the very drink their husband, past and present, shamed her for.

Fine, have a wine instead

Lauren basically says Eliot’s a narcissist and Veronica should run.

I just need double digits on Insta first

Clint ranks Jacqui like… seventh in the photo ranking challenge? How she would HATE that. Lauren thinks she looks a “bit rough”, likely because she lets stinky men do their own stinky washing.

Oh you’re never going to hear the end of that, buddy

Lauren puts Clint as number one because he doesn’t pong and gives her a good feeling in her nipples. She didn’t like that he wore a g-string for his spray tan, though.

G-string? Deduct a point.

Does she get Clint’s nipples tingly in return? Well, her audition tape leaves question marks — especially the part where she said her husband should earn a million a year.

I only made three grand on PGA???

It’s time for Eliot and Veronica’s ranking challenge — Eliot put Lauren right up the front — around fouth place — which is great to see.

This is growth

Veronica puts Adrian last based on what she knows of the people so far, so I know she is smart. Eliot? She puts him third based on something to do with personality. It’s amazing television.

So like, you’re hot, but your personality’s shit

It’s time for Adrian and Awhina’s inner-circles to do their thing.

Awhina and Cleo wearing the same thing in different colours is such twin energy.

Speaking of twin energy, seeing Cleo arc up at the redhead who makes a snarky little comment about Awhina’s mothering is exactly that.

I didn’t know non-twins were allowed?

This whole meeting is red-hot and proof that Adrian’s friends and family play a role in the bloke thinking he’s reasonable. They actually think Awhina is the problem, which is WILD. And BATSHIT CRAZY.

Adrian’s crew storm out saying, “I’m done”, like they’re Audrina-fucking-Patridge or something.

We’re done! (Bc we may or may not need a vape)

Then Cleo tells her sweet angel sister what everyone in Australia is thinking: SHE IS FAR TOO FUCKING GOOD FOR ADRIAN.

Thank you bye x