Ryan, Jacqui & that wandering mascara deserve a Logie nom
What a groundbreaking performance.
If you haven’t heard the rumours, Jacqui and Ryan are 100% actors. At least I hope they are, because if that is real-life behaviour, I need to give myself more praise.
We kick the episode off with Jacqui crying again, even though it is Ryan who should be weeping. His wife has written a list of all the ways he has failed her, which is not an easy thing for a Warrior Princess to hear.
Jacqui has also reached out to Jeff for some advice, but only if his wife, Rhi, doesn’t come along to cockblock her.
Sadly, they have a wedding to attend first — Teejay the “Grindian” (Greek Indian) and Beth the Britstralian (Brit living in Australia).
Teejay mentions other arranged marriages in his family to justify the fact that he’s on reality TV again, and Beth declares her status as a relationship virgin. They are a good fit for no other reason than both being fine to look at.
We have to address the Drunk Elephant in the room. Call me an asswipe, but the lighting and Jacqui’s makeup aren’t friends.
Anyway, Jacqui makes Ryan’s life a living hell at this wedding, telling everyone how she was crying earlier.
Tears = serious, apparently.
“You cry when there’s not a full-length mirror in the room,” Rhi bites. While I appreciate the burn, I, too, hate an absent full-length mirror when it’s needed. Which is a regular occurrence in hotel rooms (why).
Side note: Jeff looks daddy with the facial hair, hey?
Anyway, Rhi Weiners has cracked. She tells the table about the message Jacqui sent her husband, probably because their storyline has been wildly irrelevant up until now.
You wouldn’t believe it, but Jacqui starts crying, bringing her MAFS tear tally to 15, 327.
Jacqui cries even more when Ryan admits he doesn’t like her, forcing her to hug him while she lightly convulsed. I think she also cupped the air around his face to smell it?
It was all very odd and her mascara has found a new home on her upper cheek. We should buy it a welcome door mat.
Thank you bye.