Everyone’s getting fucked on their honeymoon
Inappropriate thoughts from MAFS 2025, Episode 4.
I am well and truly awake after falling asleep in the last episode. MAFS Episode 4 provided everything we need from this show: hope, tears, roots and arguments. Tonight we’ll focus on the horny honeymoons and the new couples.
Honeymoons are full of willies and wankers
Eliot with one l and one t has finally bailed on MAFS and not a moment too soon. He could’ve at least hung up the clean-up towel first. Anyone else spot that?
Katie and Tim are getting worse by the minute. He decided to tell Katie that his type is basically short and not… a redhead. As a result, she has now decided that his lack of “spark” is code for lack of “attraction”.
It’s a fair assumption for her to make, considering the way he is treating her and the entire situation. He did tell her, “you’re good with your looks”, which is like the constipated equivalent of “you’re pretty”, but fucked it when he said he liked “quieter women”. Yuck, yuck, yuck.
He can act like a loser all he wants but the toll it’s taking on Katie is getting to me. It’s particularly heartbreaking seeing her put in all the effort, like asking if he likes fishing and photography, and then her feeling like she’s the problem.
“The common denominator is me,” she said about her failed relationships. I’ll never forgive John Aiken for this.
Anyway, everyone else is rooting, grabbing boobs and seeing willies. It is unclear is Carina and Paul boinked for the second and third time or the first and second time.
The honesty box — which has been renamed to the “honeymoon box” for good measure — fucked up the heavy petting for Awhina and Adrian when they received a question about family. He told her that he doesn’t know if he could love her kid the same way he could love his own. It’s not so much the feeling he’s having that I’m criticising as much as it is the delivery. Which is terrible. He then told her to “smile” which is basically a surefire way to dry up a vagina.
Pls let our new tributes cross the friend zone
OK, so Rhi and Jeff are a new couple we meet tonight, but it’s not their first time meeting. They acknowledge they know each other straight away, unlike Carina and Paul. The whole wedding is so wonderfully fucking awkward because they are marathon buddies who slept together a few times.
I don’t know if they’ll be able to go from friends to lovers but I do know I need Jeff’s skincare routine. I refuse to believe he’ll probably be 40 by final vows.
Ashleigh and Jake are my favourite couple so far. Ashleigh is a bubbly, smiley dance teacher, and Jake is a party-shirt PE teacher. The only downfall is that Ashleigh is a Jules and Cam superfan, something I’ve seen her mention in the trailers while crying. So maybe this doesn’t end the way we want.
After all the seasons watching this, should we be surprised?
Thank you bye x